just a post..

just updating my blog.. its been a while since the last one.. nothing to write really, i just feel bad for not updating this blog.. i ditched friendster last time, so i'm not gonna ditch this one too.. everyone make room for december.. its christmas time baby! santa claus is coming to town, santa claus is coming to town! not this town for sure.. tak macam bersepah pulak orang lepak kat al-safa, even santa couldn't find the right time to drop all those gifts..

oh yeah, i saw "500 days of summer" last night with some friends, faris, meme, addin and amir.. faris bought the dvd , thanks OJ, ko actually bole elakkan faris from spending for the dvd you already have.. actually its kinda gay to be watching the movie with four other joysticks.. yuck! but what the hell, we'll get use to it someday aite? its not a love story, and this one is not about you, bitch.

call myself lucky?

i woke up at 3 something yesterday after spending a night in ipoh with my loyal friends zaim and melur.. i saw harry potter, the half blood prince.. i'm not really a harry potter fan but i do like the part where harry won the luck potion.. i really need stuff like that for me.. zaim woke me up because we're going back home.. i don't want to but i have to since all my friends is going back home.. so i grab the towel to the bathroom and took a few minutes for me to let the cold water to touch me.. after we got ready to leave, we walked to the front gate.. i can tell the sun hated me so much so it gave its best, good enough to make me sweat.. so we were waiting for the bus to medan kit to arrive.. nothing interesting happened actually since both of us were dead sleeping.. after arrived at medan kit, i decided to take a cab instead because its faster.. i lied, i just want a comfortable seat to seat on.. again i slept in the cab for like i don't know 5 minutes? when we arrived at medan gopeng, i had blurry eyes so i went to the bathroom to wash my face.. after that i got out from the bathroom and there was a girl who looks so familiar but i was too blur to notice who she was, so i just walked to my friend.. but i was pretty sure i know the girl so i asked to my friend to wait because i want to make sure things.. so i went back to see the girl, i was stunned when she walking towards me.. its her, ze.. i bet she stunned as well.. i hugged her and we spoke for a while, i have bus to catch.. i don't know should i blame zaim for got us the early tickets? or should i blame myself who gave the idea to get us the tickets? so i left unsatisfied, if only i saw her earlier.. its okay, better something than nothing i always say.. why i call myself lucky? i was hoping to see her at gopeng yesterday but i don't think i might find her there because luck isn't always in my pocket.. so i just let it pass my mind.. she gave me a few words for the day, "don't hope for something because you might get disappointed, just let it be".. i come with a few words myself, "if your feelings towards me is just a reflection of mine, i'll be smiling".. she replied, but i'm not gonna write it down here.. that's all for now guys, until there is new interesting story to tell..

hero to zero..

im blogging again since i have nothing else to do.. i lost almost 250k fake virtual money on poker today.. this game really fuck me up really bad.. if those were a real money, my family surely will chase me out from the house.. last night i was doing just fine.. i gave new poker buddy, danny 7k because i thought someday it will pay me for being nice.. i'll stop playing for now, until my luck in my pocket again.. oj was right, it needs strategies more than luck.. i need luck as much as palestin needs for peace..

the not so damn important post..

i made a song last year.. like always, i can't find a good title for it.. i don't want the title to be too jiwang.. this is just a part of the lyric for the second verse.. "if only rain could tell how much i miss you girl.. you will be in open space taking every drops of rain".. if this is possible, someone should has call me saying that she has a fever for doing so.. but until now not even a single call.. can't blame them, who wants to be running in rain nowadays since the atmosphere is being polluted.. i blame the educations for ruining the mind of the innocents.. this is just a bullshit talking, i know.. but since this is my blog.. i can do whatever the fuck i want..

not for the weak

i never asked you to sacrifice, i never asked you to take the bullet for me.. and i never take advantage on you.. not even once.. i just need you to give me time to think and space to live.. time is uncountable, so it is up to you if you're willing to wait, stop staring at the clock.. space is unmeasurable, so it is up to u if you are willing to give space, stop measuring the space.. i want to solve my own problems, so far i've tried but its not easy.. so if i hurt you badly, i'm so sorry.. not because i hurt you, its because how easy for you to give it up..

if only you could see me now..

"when am i gonna understand that when you left, it means forever?", that was my last text to her.. it did not answers the question she asked me, "how is ur gigi?", with a smiley.. it was either a big mistake or the right thing to do.. she did not reply my message.. she left me to wonder.. did she give up on me or she just mad? i did not mean it to be a statement, i was hoping for the answer that will answers my question.. she usually has the answers for all my questions but not this time.. i know it was a dumb thing to do.. i'm not being complicated, yeah maybe a little.. but i thought she understands me better than anyone else.. or maybe the answer could hurt me bad so she keep it to herself.. but i like to think that she did not answers because she knew that someday i will find her again like i did before.. i don't like to think that she is bound to the promise she made, that she will always there for me.. god knows how much i miss her.. i miss waking her up at 3 in the morning just to hear her voice.. i miss singing her songs on the phone.. if i could have one night with her, i'm gonna make things right again.. but i guess i just have to wait for i don't know how long.. the longer it takes, the harder it gets for me to see her.. she knows that..

the path i took

even after 20 years of living, maturity still sounds complicated as it spelled.. yet i could not remember the last time i've done something as easy as ABC.. i can't imagine living in the world where being matured is a must.. it would scare the hell out of me.. i can no longer be me, the one that i prefer.. i bet not everyone expecting me to change either.. if i have to choose between the clear path and the bushy, dark and wet path(yeah its sounded wrong).. just get the point.. i guess if u really know me, u would know the answer.. i rather be in coma than have to live in the world where maturity is a must..

true happiness

i remember when i was five-year-old, i stayed with my grandma for a month.. i can't remember why i decided to stay with her away from my family for a month, i'm sure it must be a hell of good reason and i wish i still have the brain cells for that memory in my head so i could remember better.. but i guess smoking does effect.. damn! i still remember the smell of her hair, "rambut tok bau macam biskut merry la tok!", god knows how much i miss the smell.. back to the day when i thought the value of 50 cents is is way too much for a small kid like me to ask.. i should have ask more for being a good boy! kidding.. "cucur kodok tok best la, kalau dapat makan hari ni kan best!", my favorite.. for being a good boy i got what i deserved.. she was the only woman that understand all my needs.. and i would trade anything just to spend one day with her again.. all these years of seeking for the true hapiness, i forgot that i've found it.. back to the day when power rangers is everything.. i've found my true happiness when i never thought of looking for it.. i'm no longer in a quest for the true happiness anymore, i'm in a quest for the lasting happiness now.. im not really sure where to begin actually..

i miss you tok chah.. al-fatihah..

something about tony

"what is the similarity between tony fernandes and tony jaa?", that was the question i asked OJ and aqila.. yeah i know the answer you might think of right now is they both share the same first name.. if that was the answer, so where is the funny part? so the real funny answer is, they both don't know you.. yeah its lame, but the real funny part is when aqila asked me who is tony jaa.. she looked into my eyes hoping for the answer.. so i said, "tony jaa tu adik beradik tony hawk!".. me and OJ started to laugh at aqila.. after a sucker punch on my hand, i decided to tell her who tony jaa is.. (huh! jangan harap la) so i said, "tony jaa tu yang suara for bart simpson.." so again "OJ, apa lagi, jom gelak!!", it was so funny.. sorry aqila, i can't help it..

final lullaby

i have few more hours until the morning dies.. i should not have any reason not to fall asleep but i should have reasons not to wake up.. but the day had interfered my night by giving me a permanent thought that surely keeps my eyes permanently open.. should i take a sleeping pill every night before slumber? maybe all i need is a sweet lullaby from the love one that would kill me for a good slumber so when i wake up, it feels like i've been sleeping under the open starry sky, where the wind blows slowly, covering my body like a blanket.. but for the meantime, i really need to sleep.. sleeping pills sound really friendly.. im afraid i might fall asleep too long and wake up on different bed..

silverchair - miss you love

this song never fails to make me feel down.. it makes me in all the sudden think deeply in emotion every time i listen to it.. for some other people, they may do something if they miss their love one.. maybe a text message or a short phone call just to say hello.. the point is there is still something they can do about it.. but for me in the other hand, all i can do is pray before i sleep hoping somehow she could hear me.. i just want to tell her how much i miss her.. i know i've done too little to ask for something so big.. i must be lucky if she appears in my dreams.. and the last time she did, i drowned in tears.. i hate you for leaving me twice but i hate you even more for making me cry everytime i miss you.. this is one of your favorite song and i dedicate it as a prayer to you.. i miss you love..

al-fatihah to you Aisyah Bte Zaid..

Millionaire say
Got a big shot deal
And thrown it all away but
But Im not too sure
How Im supposed to feel
Or what Im supposed to say

But Im not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
And I miss you love

Make room for the prey
cause Im coming in
With what I wanna say but
Its gonna hurt
And I love the pain
A breeding ground for hate but...

Im not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people

Remember today
Ive no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
Im supposed to love you back

Its just a fad
Part of the teenage angst brigade and
Im not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people

Remember today
Ive no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

Remember two days
Ive no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
Im supposed to love you back

no alarm

i find it is hard for me to write a new song nowadays since there's no reason for me to write again.. all i need is an inspiration to write again.. a good song that surely can make the hairs stand up when someone hears it.. if i write a song about the love one, who am i fooling? since i have no one to love.. i'm just taking a long break from all this.. but inspiration will surely comes.. i just have to wait.. for now i'm focusing on myself, i'm not being selfish, i just need to do what's best for me.. so please, kill the alarm..

surprise, surprise!

am i running out of surprise? it feels like my life isn't interesting as it use to be.. or maybe its me that losing my interest toward life? whatever it is, something or someone please pull me out before i lost my mind.. take me to somewhere new, maybe a funfair, i don't care just please don't let the day ends before a smile carved on my face.. i don't wanna stuck doing things that i probably have to do in the next, next day too.. i want something to remember and every time i think of it i could smile.. even when i tell the story, someone else also could smile.. so please, do surprise me..

butterfly isnt for everyone..

yeah its dota again.. last nite i was using this hero calls tinker.. all my dota friends see me as noob like always.. "khai noob doh!", its hurt but i cant deny.. but yet i see myself as a noob with bright future in this game.. but thanks to aiman for his guidance last nite.. i bought an item that wasnt for tinker, butterfly.. i just love that item not just because it sounds beautiful.. but it was an honest and one time mistake.. please all my geek, nerd friends.. forgive me will ya? what am i?? somebody wake me from this nerdyland!

saturday nite shits

yesterday was fun after a dinner at rasta.. me, aiman, nauwar and qila went to watch a theater in sentul.. it was a new experience but i think it will be my first and last.. sorry qila, nauwar.. i prefer watching tv better.. to be honest im not really a theater kind of guy.. so does aiman.. or maybe we just dont use our brain that much.. but the girl in the front role was a real beauty.. she was the reason why i couldn't concentrate.. after theater we went back to aiman's house because he needs to check his house for some unclear reason.. and then we all got stuck in the car thinking what is the next plan for the night.. after a while we decided to go to kota damansara for a late nite dinner.. we talked, we smoked and then we went home..

me and faris decided to stay at aiman house after dota.. aiman got sick, a flu maybe.. so it just me, faris and aiman's cousin, samin.. the leftover from last meeting still smelling good.. so finally i end up fly up high again with samin and faris.. samin knocked out after a few puff.. it was really a bad way for the nite to end.. but i did it anyway..

last nite

i dont know wht to say bout last nite.. it was in the middle between good and bad.. aiman wanted us to try using new method.. haha so i end up got high up in the sky.. i still do feel lil bit high ryte now..

and last nite i went to see the most wonderful person in the world.. the road to her house seemed so long.. plus my body was so heavy.. like always she's having a problem opening the gate but her beauty caught my attention like always.. worth of fighting a dragon just to see her (i was a knight).. we were talking and i cant hide the truth that i got high.. kantoi!! haha.. n then all the sudden her mom called asking where she is and she was so nervous.. so i decided tht i should go.. i dont want to cause any trouble.. i was so damn messed up but one thing i remember is we were kissing and it was like kissing an angel (maybe coz i was so high).. it was the best kiss after so damn long.. the best way for the nite to end.. then i hugged her goodbye..

then we went to eat.. haziq, faris n wan left (noobs!)..

butterflies in the stomach revealed

'butterflies in the stomach' is a medical condition characterized by the physical sensation of a 'fluttery' feeling in the stomach.. this sensation can be a physical sensation related to body's fight or flight response or it can be ineffable experience related to the phychology of love or nervousness..
some believe that this is caused by the released of epinephrine, or adrenaline when one is nervous, pulling blood away from the stomach n sending it to muscles.. this reduced blood flow, in turn, causes the stomach to temporarily shut down n possibly the reason for reduced appetite during love sickness..
still questioning for the feeling?

karma

karma.. wht goes around, comes around.. is this actually real? who said? any exact proves? but thts wht people always say n believe.. i cant say tht i believe in this 'karma'.. coz those people r still living their life normally.. after all they have done.. ''only time will tell'', thts another lie for people who cant stand for themselve.. i think im one of them.. is it worth waiting for until this 'karma' shows up? or 'karma' nvr really exist? ill nvr noe.. maybe i should make my own 'karma'.. it is not revenge, it is 'karma'.. fair? u be the judge..

muse - space dementia

by listening to few of Muse songs wont make you a Muse fan.. some believe that when you listen to one song from a band or whatever, you're automatically a fan without a doubt.. but if you ask them what song do they like, some of them couldnt even name the title of the song and for the smart ass, their answer will be, "Plug In Baby", "Time is Running Out", and the latest is "Starlight".. and they dont even try to know them.. yeah, you might think that im overreact but guess what, if u think so, that probably means it is you that im writing about..

well move on..

for me the most effective song from Muse is space dementia.. the melody itself is painful but yet waking you up from your long dream.. the lyric was written by the best poetic singer in the world, Matthew Bellamy.. he succesfully express his feeling through songs with his beautiful voice.. the lyric goes:

Height is the one for me
It gives me all i need
And helps me co-excist with the chill

You make me sick because i adore you so
I love all the dirty tricks
And twisted games you play on me

Space dementia in your eyes
Peace will arise and tear us apart
And make us meaningless again

You'll make us want to die
I'd cut your name in my heart
We'll destroy this world for you
I know you want me to feel your pain

Space dementia in your eyes
Peace will arise and tear us apart
And make us meaningless again

the beginning

this will be my first blog for this site and i dont think i should start it with an ordinary story that most people did.. my purpose of writing is mostly because i dont like to talk much and plus i dont think there are people out there can understand me, would like to hear me babling and my personal favorite, they just wont let me.. for those who are reading this blog, firstly i would like to say thanks for wasting your valuable time, and nothing personal, i dont expect you to understand and honestly i dont care whatever u have in mind.. nobody forcing you to read this blog anyway..