now the one you once loved is leaving

i miss you, but i can't tell you that. i need you, but i can't tell you that either. i had my chance but i ruined it. feeling regret is not going to take me a step closer to you. but instead, i fall deeper. before this, i never take my time to understand how special you are, how much you needed attention. or just to be there as a lover when you needed me the most. selfish, that's what i am. but now i understand the pain u had to deal with, it hurts. a lot. now i get to feel it for myself for another few months, years, god knows. serve me right.

now here i am, with the responsibility to carry around all the memories we had since that's all i have. i see you everywhere, i think about you night and day. the smile, your eyes, hugs, kisses playing in my head like in a silent movie. i was once a rainbow before i am hurricane. forgive me for what i've done. you do deserve better.

how do i forget the thing i wanna keep the most? how do i lie to myself? time will heal the deepest wound. a friend told me that. i hope she's right.

i miss being happy. back then the old me don't even need weed to be happy. but now weed is the medicine; the cure for my sickness. at least for a while before i finally found the true happiness again. for that i wanna start something fresh, new places, meeting new people. i will stop running for now and face the music. god if you there, help me get through all this.