hero to zero..

im blogging again since i have nothing else to do.. i lost almost 250k fake virtual money on poker today.. this game really fuck me up really bad.. if those were a real money, my family surely will chase me out from the house.. last night i was doing just fine.. i gave new poker buddy, danny 7k because i thought someday it will pay me for being nice.. i'll stop playing for now, until my luck in my pocket again.. oj was right, it needs strategies more than luck.. i need luck as much as palestin needs for peace..

the not so damn important post..

i made a song last year.. like always, i can't find a good title for it.. i don't want the title to be too jiwang.. this is just a part of the lyric for the second verse.. "if only rain could tell how much i miss you girl.. you will be in open space taking every drops of rain".. if this is possible, someone should has call me saying that she has a fever for doing so.. but until now not even a single call.. can't blame them, who wants to be running in rain nowadays since the atmosphere is being polluted.. i blame the educations for ruining the mind of the innocents.. this is just a bullshit talking, i know.. but since this is my blog.. i can do whatever the fuck i want..

not for the weak

i never asked you to sacrifice, i never asked you to take the bullet for me.. and i never take advantage on you.. not even once.. i just need you to give me time to think and space to live.. time is uncountable, so it is up to you if you're willing to wait, stop staring at the clock.. space is unmeasurable, so it is up to u if you are willing to give space, stop measuring the space.. i want to solve my own problems, so far i've tried but its not easy.. so if i hurt you badly, i'm so sorry.. not because i hurt you, its because how easy for you to give it up..

if only you could see me now..

"when am i gonna understand that when you left, it means forever?", that was my last text to her.. it did not answers the question she asked me, "how is ur gigi?", with a smiley.. it was either a big mistake or the right thing to do.. she did not reply my message.. she left me to wonder.. did she give up on me or she just mad? i did not mean it to be a statement, i was hoping for the answer that will answers my question.. she usually has the answers for all my questions but not this time.. i know it was a dumb thing to do.. i'm not being complicated, yeah maybe a little.. but i thought she understands me better than anyone else.. or maybe the answer could hurt me bad so she keep it to herself.. but i like to think that she did not answers because she knew that someday i will find her again like i did before.. i don't like to think that she is bound to the promise she made, that she will always there for me.. god knows how much i miss her.. i miss waking her up at 3 in the morning just to hear her voice.. i miss singing her songs on the phone.. if i could have one night with her, i'm gonna make things right again.. but i guess i just have to wait for i don't know how long.. the longer it takes, the harder it gets for me to see her.. she knows that..

the path i took

even after 20 years of living, maturity still sounds complicated as it spelled.. yet i could not remember the last time i've done something as easy as ABC.. i can't imagine living in the world where being matured is a must.. it would scare the hell out of me.. i can no longer be me, the one that i prefer.. i bet not everyone expecting me to change either.. if i have to choose between the clear path and the bushy, dark and wet path(yeah its sounded wrong).. just get the point.. i guess if u really know me, u would know the answer.. i rather be in coma than have to live in the world where maturity is a must..